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Hermann Tilke : Must Read || Hilariously Funny

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Early Years

Tilke founded Tilke Formula-One-Tracks-Engineering-And-Destruction in 1984, combining skills in architecture, engineering and the undeviating obedience of a small lap dog to provide complete solutions for motor racing and waste disposal projects.

Tilke is most famous for his work re-designing classic tracks, such as the A1-Ring in Austria, Hockenheimring in Germany and the Martian Tracks on Zulu islands (classified) , creating blander and more generic F1 circuits than ever before. Not content with conquering and Tilke-fying established tracks on the Formula One calendar, Tilke designed many high-profile new circuits that have been visited by the “F1 circus”, including Sepang in Malaysia, Shanghai in China and Bahrain’s F1 race track.

It is believed that the new Tilke Circuit will be set in the VVIP area of New Delhi for the Indian Grand Prix, for this he had proposed to destroy India Gate and other Indian monuments of great importance, thankfully the money offered was not enough for these changes to be done as bulldozer costs in India are too high. He is also said to have proposed that the Turkish Grand Prix henceforth be called the Tilkish Grand Prix, the suggestion is on the final steps of approval thanks to the grand daddy of formula one Bernie Ecclestone who is now the dictator of the Turkish formula one Circuit.

Passionate Work

Many claim that Tilke’s art lies in using the veil of “safety improvements” as consent to have his way with once popular racing tracks. Some (Read :Everyone else) also believe that his signature long straights followed by slow, tight hairpins (or as he calls them: “overtaking zones”) are designed purely to frustrate drivers and viewers alike. He is said to have been paid millions by brake pad manufacturers for these hairpins. The hairpin manufacturer’s association has also asked for a share in this.

A critical key to Tilke’s success is his firm alliance with Formula One supremo F?1/4hrer, Bernie Ecclestone. In such a farcical domain where what Bernie says goes, Tilke’s sycophantic talents remains virtually unparallelled. Tilke couldn’t pander to Ecclestone any better if he painted himself black and white and ate bamboo all day sitting in China.
The Future

With the awarding of contracts to perform work on the Catalunya, Monza, Nurburgring, Silverstone, Mars and the Moon circuits, Tilke’s bloodlust borders on unquenchable. Seemingly, it’s another day, another abhorrent radical overhaul, followed by a stroll down pitlane picking up whatever loose change falls out of Ecclestone’s pockets as he shuffles along. His estimated earnings from Bernie’s loose change amounts to millions its believed. Tilke’s evenings are often spent in his very own custom-built pool, designed by Sir Scrooge McDuck on the lines of his treasury as shown in the cartoon, reality.
Source : Uncyclopedia with lots of own inputs. All comments are fake if you haven’t yet figured it out. Any resemblance to any fictional/non-fictional person living or dead is entirely co-incidental

If you love funny formula one, also see Honda’s new Dumbo Ear Wings !

;)

Written by Formula One Addict

May 7th, 2007 at 8:47 am